When Philadelphia (Finally) Felt Like Home

Transcribed from the Philly Dances Podcast…

I have a confession to make, a few confessions actually, and I really hope that you'll forgive me. I think what I'm about to say might make me look a little bad, so I'm really counting on you guys to not hold it against me. First of all, I don't live in Philadelphia. I know, I call myself a Philadelphia photographer and I don't live in Philly. But I do live nearby, about a 35 minute drive away - if there's not a single car on the Schuylkill. Of course, if there are cars driving alongside me, then it's going to be longer.

Secondly, for the first 13 or so years that I lived in Philly's suburbs, I didn't actually like Philadelphia very much. I didn't get it. I didn't feel a connection to the city. I kept thinking about when I lived in Chicago and how much I loved it there and how much I felt like it was my city. Whenever I'd go into Philadelphia to visit a museum or to see a show or to take out of town guests to see the Liberty Bell again, and again, and again, I felt like a tourist, like a visitor. I could only see the random buildings and empty lots around me. I could see the SEPTA buses and the parking garages. I knew that the people around me loved their town, but as hard as I thought I was trying, I just couldn't find the love. Even with the love sculpture in Philadelphia, and it being the city of brotherly love, I wasn't feeling it. That's what my relationship with Philly was like for over a decade, if you could even call it a relationship.

Last year things changed a little bit. I started going to Philadelphia much more often, like several times a month. Most of my trips were for dance mom duties and in doing that and driving to classes and rehearsals and doctor's appointments, I started to actually live a little bit of my life downtown. It wasn't a lot, but I had reasons to be in Philadelphia other than visiting the Liberty Bell again. I started to meet up with friends in Philly when I was there waiting around for rehearsals to end. I started stopping into restaurants and shops and I spent time just walking around (when when the weather was nice, of course). The way I felt toward the city started to change. As soon as I started doing real things, spending real time my feelings started to change. I realized that I even started to have strong feelings about my favorite parking garages and about which entrances to Suburban Station were the best. It kind of reminded me of Dr Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham book. I thought to myself, I think I like Philadelphia. I still didn't feel like Philly was home for me, but, but I had some genuine warm and fuzzy feelings about it.

My third and final brave confession for y'all today is that for those same initial 13 years that I lived here in the Delaware Valley, I didn't like Wawa. I didn't understand why anybody would go there. So I literally never went there. I probably drove by a dozen Wawas every day just going about my life, but I literally don't think I ever set foot in a single one. I didn't even give it a chance. It seemed like a store full of all the stuff that I was desperately trying to avoid buying at the grocery store every week.

So why would I go there? Well, it's funny how life changes sometimes over the years. My kids started swimming on swim teams first on our summer clubs team, and then on our YMCA’s winter team. The thing about swimming is that swim meets somehow never leave you enough time for a meal. It doesn't seem to matter what time of day this swim meet is, it's always happening at an inconvenient time for eating. The food at these swim meets, which are supposedly healthy sporting events, were tables full of donuts and ring pops. Even for lunch and dinner, it could be really, really hard to find some food that was somewhat good for you. So our family got in the habit of stopping at Wawa before the meets to fuel up. Yes, Wawa serves a lot of donuts and ring pops too, but they do have some protein, fruits and veggies - and they have coffee.

I went from having never set foot in Wawa to actually looking forward to my Wawa coffee and Sizzli on those early mornings. I was talking with some other moms one day this summer when one of them admitted the same deep, dark secret that I had been hiding that for all these years. She didn't like Wawa. I felt so understood and in that moment I also realized that I like Wawa. I didn't use to and now I do. I really like it and I look forward to it and there's been a lot of times where it's kind of saved me from being starving and super hungry for the rest of the day. Another thought I had after that conversation was that, you know, I kind of feel like I'm a Philadelphian now. I felt really comfortable in the city. I felt a really strong connection to being there. I felt like I liked and appreciated this institution, Wawa, that the whole city supports and kind of revolves around.

When I didn't like Wawa, I felt left out a little bit like I wasn't, I couldn't understand everybody who did like it. And then now I understand it. It really made a big difference. It really made me feel a connection to the city. So the moral of this story, aside from the fact that Philadelphia is in fact really great and I kept myself as feeling like an outsider for all those years, is that if you want to feel a connection to something or somewhere or someone, if you want to be a part of something, it's that you actually have to try. You have to go there, be there, do things there. Go with people, be with people, do things with people. You have to find a way to weave new traditions and experiences into your life and that even small things like hoagies and Sizzli can be an important part of forming your community and home.

I want to encourage you, the next time you feel like you don't belong or the next time you assume that you won't like something to make yourself try it. Make yourself talk to some new people. Make yourself go somewhere new. Even if you feel nervous or scared about it, especially if you are nervous or scared of it. You have to push yourself to try new things. They're not going to feel comfortable at first. They're going to feel different. You have to be open to the idea that you might like something that you didn't previously understand. I hope the next time I'm in Philly, or even at Wawa, I'll see you trying something new, something that could become a wonderful part of your life.